I'm currently having a bit of a pity party. Tonight there is a rather large benefit concert at a local bar, a holiday party with my Jewish community, and a bar take-over with the city's queer community.... yet it is not even 10pm and I am sitting on my couch with Lulav, watching TV.
It isn't that I'm totally unsocial, I just can't seem to handle big group gatherings. Last night I hung out with a classmate instead of going to an upperclassman's holiday party. I then spent all of today studying. Right after shabbat ended, I met up with a classmate to get manicures and then grab dinner at a local thai restaurant. Tomorrow will also be spent studying, followed by an abortion movie screening and dinner with another friend.
The self pity stems from frustration in lack of a work-life balance. Also in the realization that this balancing act will never get easier. I can tell myself that life will ease up post-step 1, or post-3rd year rotations, or post-internship year, or post-residency, or post-fellowship, or, or, or... I simply wonder if medical school is causing me to be less of an extrovert. Instead, turning me into an unsocial, exhausted, isolated, single minded, socially awkward monster. If I can't rally myself to hang out in the bigger world now, how am I going to maintain a large (and non-medically based) social community? How am I going to have conversations about real world topics? Or worse, how am ever going to meet people to date?
Conclusion: my pity parties always seem to fast track me to crazy cat lady status.