Sunday, March 4, 2012

Dear Neuro,

In theory you were supposed to be awesome but in reality I find myself feeling differently about you.  I remember thinking that you were mysterious during neuro anatomy first year and fascinating during neuro pathology last year.  My days in the peds neuro clinic even had me considering spending my life with you.  However, like a pseudo-seizure, I now know you deceived me.  Our last week together has shown me that you're just extremely confusing and completely depressing.

Why isn't a simple medical vocabulary enough for you?  No, you have to have your own language that is even more complicated with all this apraxia, aphasia, heminopsia, and the such.  Plus, with stroke signs, visual field defects, and nystagomus, you're bringing out the worse of my dyslexia.  Can you please stop constantly switching left and right on me?! 

Is it all just a game you're playing with us?  Half the time we can't even figure out what is wrong with the patient, and when we can, there is often not much we can do for it.  Sometime the only solution is new pharmacology with side effects worse than the initial disease process.  I think you just have an evil sense of humor and a big know-it-all brain.  We only think we're beginning to understand you and then you throw a wrench in the equation. 

How about we make a deal?  I'll do my best for the next 3 weeks to study hard and learn as much as possible if you'll do your best to not keep hitting me over the head with a spiked mallet.  I'll learn to do a complete clinical neuro exam and do many many many practice questions for the shelf.  I'll attempt to transfer the information I'll need in my future non-neurology clinical practice into my hippocampus for permanent storage.  But you need to supply me with some competency so I can stop embarrassing myself in front of my patients and my attendings.  I'd also really prefer it if I don't have to do another declaration of untimely brain death.


PS I'd say it isn't you, it's me... but I'm pretty sure that it is in fact you.  Why do you have to be so complicated and deceptive?

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