Wednesday, October 27, 2010

marriage & chronic illness

At 16 years old, I was dumped by a girl I cared a lot about. Her reason for dumping me? She was scared of my insulin pump. This was the impetus for many hours of therapy sent mulling over how my chronic illness(es) effect my sexual attractiveness & hopes for future relationships.

In some ways I understand her apprehension, especially while a reckless teenager. I'd rather find out sooner rather than latter that someone can't handle my baggage. I also understand how my diseases play into a relationship: effecting what restaurants we can eat at, decreasing my ability to be spontaneous, low blood sugar and pulling out pump sites at the most inopportune of times, etc.... But the thing is, it's MY baggage. Sure, what diabetic doesn't love a significant other who will occasionally gets up in the middle of the night fetch juice for a low blood sugar? But I don't expect it.

Anyhow, today a friend sent me an article posted in The New York Jewish Week. Her e-mail was short and sweet:
"seems like something you would write.
And the friend is right. The author's points are things that I agree with, and her fear of chronic disease sentencing her to a life of single-hood hits close to home. Pessimistically though, this is not something I imagine changing (in or out of the superstitious observant Jewish community) anytime soon. So instead I just hope that someday I will meet someone who wants to build a life with me regardless of my diabetes & celiac.

1 comment:

Sunkist Miss said...

I firmly believe that you will someday meet someone who wants to build a life with you as you are. And your diabetes and celiac is only one part of you as you are. There are so many aspects of your life (of anyone's life) that circumscribe who you are and who you want to be with, but that is true for everyone in different ways -- some more visible/obvious than others, but it is always out there. The beautiful thing is that there are many wonderful human beings out there who manage to see other people for who they are and who they may become -- who end up looking beyond the baggage. We all have baggage that we need our loved ones to be willing to live with and see beyond.

(This is not to discount your concerns and your pain, nor those of the article writer. I really do hear you. And I am sad that its been this way, and felt this way. But I am hopeful for you too.)