The funeral/memorial service for my grandma was a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. Actually, the service was lovely. The weekend on a whole was difficult. So much undiscussed stress & tension running amuck within my [biological] family dynamics. So much pretending to be fine while passively addressing the weighted history that plagues us all.
Now I'm making my way home, to the new home I moved to last week. I'm so emotionally & physically drained. Having just moved here, I'm feeling particularly lost & empty. I don't have familiar comfort zones to turn to. I don't really have a "home" & "family" here to hide in or lean on. I'm feeling as if life has taken me on one too many moves away from the familiar. While I'm grateful for the journey I've been on, I'm currently a little pisses off that I have a few/many moves left (4th year, residency, fellowship &/or a job?) before I can finally claim a home of my own.