Lonely

"If your heart is bleeding make the best of it"

This video is absolutely beautiful and resonates with me on a personal level. Living in the South, I often find myself lonely in a way that I haven't since I was an uncomfortable middle schooler. I can be surrounded by people, knee deep in medical school text books, stressed about the 100s of different thoughts flying around in my head and yet feel totally and completely alone. It often happens when surrounded by people who don't understand (or know about) all the unique paradoxes that define me. The loneliest times are shabbat days that I stay home to study, feeling completely cut off from both my Jewish and non-Jewish communities.

I am starting to understand the naive idea of wanting children in order to have something that needs and loves you. I know that I am not ready for children, but I have been starting to contemplate getting an animal. With 12 to 15 hour days spent studying at school, and the reality that impending rotations will keep me away from home at random hours, a dog seems out of question. A cat might be a good fit though. However, I worry it will fast track me to "crazy cat lady" status. That if I get too comfortable with a cat at home to talk to and cuddle with, I'll have no motivation to ever leave home and/or look for a significant other. Also that it'll make me the stereotypical lesbian. Though the true stereotype involves 2 lesbians, multiple cats, and a Uhal. A friend responded to this fear by stating that one doesn't necessarily need a cat to become a crazy cat lady. Helpful, right?