March: women's health, gay marriage, & liberation

image from: http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2013/03/anti-woman-march-madness

 

 

You should read the whole Mother Jones article on the absolute political chaos that is currently going on.   This is bad.  Very bad. 

 

Also, from today's Daily Women's Health Policy Report, this article gives more insight into the horribleness that is being voted on in North Dakota.   Even scarier.

 

Plus, tomorrow, the Supreme Court hears the prop 8 case and the DOMA case on Wednesday.  All the possibilities of what might happened, which The New York Times expertly delineated, make my head spin.  It is going to be a long wait until June.  I wish I could be a fly on the wall for the debate & discussion between the judges.   

 

In the meantime, I'm going to disappear into the world of freedom and liberation with Passover.  I'm grateful that this year off from medical school means I can actually celebrate Jewish holidays with friends and family; without [too much] guilt that I'm slacking or making someone else cover for me.  I realize that this might be one of the last years, at least through residency, that I can take off and travel for the holiday.  May it be a true festival of freedom this year!

 

Being picked up at shul

Nope, I wasn't picked up in the horribly awkward sense of being approached by the strangest, most socially inept, guy (or gal) in the room.  Or worse, by his mother.

I went to shul alone both days in the city that was most recently my home. I split my time between the conservative and the orthodox communities, revisiting my old haunts, and reconnecting with old friends. I didn't decide to travel for rosh hashana until I knew my schedule, leaving me little time to find housing and meal arrangements.  My solution?  I stayed with a non-jewish classmate. I accepted that I would be driving to holiday functions and back for the purpose of having a meaningful holiday.  I packed a box of cereal & refrigeration-free milk as a survival kit. 

It turned out that my survival strategies were unnecessary.  The holiday came filled with blessings beyond expectation.  Sitting in services the first morning, I was approached by the rebbitizin.  She asked if I had lunch plans & if not, would I like some?  I shrugged my shoulders and explained that I was intimidated to show up on someone's doorstep & then have them not be able to feed me.  Since being diagnosed with celiac disease I find myself very anxious at the prospect of last minute shabbos & holiday meals.  Knowing the anthropological song & dance of wanting to feed people who you invite into your home, and being acutely aware of all my food issues (gluten, kosher, semi-veggie, diabetic, etc.), I've evolved into more of an introvert as a way to avoid awkwardness.   Tangent aside, she replied "don't be silly! it'll be fine" and handed me a magical golden (er, green) ticket with a name on the front & directions to their house on their back.  The magic came in learning that the wife, the woman who prepared the marvelous lunch, happened to also be gluten free! Random coincidence = divine inspiration? = rosh hashana meal jackpot!

The rest of the holiday was more subtle, but equally blessed.  I prayed a lot.  I ate a lot.  I listened to and pondered a few really good dv'ra torah.  I spent a lot of time with old friends and people who I don't get to see nearly enough.  It felt like an ideal start to the new year.  May this year continue to be filled with unexpected blessings for all of us.  shana tova u'metukah!

Modern love

Quoted from Nicole Hardy in the article "Single, Female, Mormon, Alone" (The New York Times, Modern Love, Jan 7, 2011):
"Perhaps the failure was mine — I’m sure many church members see it that way. I was too weak to endure. They’ll say I should have waited another decade, or spent my whole life alone if that’s what God required.

I’m just unwilling to believe that’s what God wants for anyone, and was unwilling to continue spiraling further into a disconnected life, feeling abandoned, being discounted."

I couldn't agree more. While I don't really believe in a G!d that is so intertwined in our daily lives, if G!d is actually involved in our match making, I can not fathom s/he would want anyone to be single (who doesn't want to be). As much as I accomplish in my life, I can't help but feel my life is still completely unfulfilled because I haven't found my basherit. I'm nearing 27 and am seeming to be eternally single. I'm trying to make the most out of my life: being a family member, a friend, an activist, a community member, a (future) healer; trying my hardest to be content with my lot. But, I can not help but wonder if I'm destined to spend my life single... and if I do spend my life single, what will that mean for my standing in the religious community? A community that is totally built on family life and procreation. I need to put these thoughts on hold for now though as I go back to studying for tomorrow morning's exam!

Debbie Friedman

Jewish youth group and summer camp are majorly responsible for my strong Jewish identity. I was a NFTY kid, spent a semester of high school studying in Israel, and went to Reform Jewish summer camp. One recurrent theme in all of these experiences was music; music that was created or influenced by Debbie Friedman.

I've met Debbie a few different times in my life. Being present for many of her concerts, interacting with her at youth group events and camp, and singing her songs late into the night. I last saw her a few weeks ago. She was also at the conference in the UK: performing, speaking about the power of healing, and participating. One night I sat next to her until 4am, as she and a group of others (mostly in their 20s) held an informal song circle with an eccentric mix of music. We sang many of the classic "Rise up Singing" type of songs along with some of her's and other Jewish songs. In conversation she surprised me by knowing where I was from, and who I was friends with.

Due to the power of facebook, this morning I learned that she's in the hospital. From multiple different articles, it seems that she's in the hospital in a medically induced coma as her body is struggling to fight pneumonia. There is a request that people sing her MiSeberiach tomorrow night at 6:12pm PST, right after the close of shabbos. If you are inclined to pray there is also a request that you pray for her healing, for a woman who has taught so many around the world how to ask for healing. Her hebrew name is Dina Lea bat Freidl ve-Gavriel.

What constitutes a family?

There has been a lot of talk regarding families this weekend. At yesterday's seuduah slishit (shabbat 3rd meal), table talk was dominated by the invisibility of older unmarried Jews in the observant community; this morning, deficiencies in our current dating cycle were discussed over coffee with a friend; this afternoon I went with another friend to see "8: The Mormon Proposition".

Before this year, in my life before med school (BMS), I was obsessed with getting married and starting a family. When a child walked by, my gaze would follow. Every new dating potential was analyzed for acceptability as a co-parent. Through this year of med school though, I've noticed significant change in my desire to parent. There is much less urgency in my need to get married and have children, and almost a sense of complacency developing.

I can rationalize many possible factors accounting for this change. (1) Increasing awareness that the path to becoming a doctor is isolating and lonely- and that I am, without much of an option, putting my career before my social life. I may very well still be single by the time I complete residency, somewhere between 33 and 38 years old; the older side to find a partner and start a family. (2) Genetics made me really appreciate G!d, and question how a viable, healthy, functioning child can ever develop from the combination of two gametes. My waning faith in the ability to create viable offspring is marring my hopes of ever trying. (3) Already feeling guilty that I would put myself, my career, and my patients, before my family. What effect will being an abortion provider have on my future children? What about the fact that they will likely have two moms? I know intellectually that these are silly barriers and surmountable obstacles, but Jewish guilt is a force to reckon with.

At the seudah yesterday I looked around the table to see my friends, in their late 20s/early 30s, growing into their adult selves. Over the 4 years I have known them I have heard stories of first dates, celebrated their engagements, danced at many of their weddings, and knit hats for the children that are slowly being added into our community. Our roads are diverging: they are throwing themselves deeper into family life as I sink into all consuming medical training and activism. This is not to say that I can't have it all, but choosing to attend med school in the South has significantly limited my ability to meet other engaged queer Jewish women, subsequently slowing my love life to a trickle. As much as I can accept the idea that maybe I wont have a partner and children, I also worry that this will cause me to loose my place at the table. To loose my standing in the Jewish community.

The contrast between this fear and the message of "8" is stark. The movie addressed the lack of space for homosexuality in religion, particularly in Mormonism. The heart breaking reality of those who think their religion would prefer them dead or miserable to creating a loving relationship with someone of the same sex &/or gender, breaks my heart and infuriates my inner activist. I know at my core that I am b'tzelem elohim (created in G!d's image), and my sexual orientation is part of that image. Even still I have worried, and sometimes still do, about my future family being marginalized in shul (synagogue) or the such, but I know enough non-heteronormative families to believe that it is possible. I also believe that there exists more space for familial variability then for singles and those who choose not to parent. How can I use these realizations to help others though? And in helping others, how can I continue to educate myself that whatever happens with my personal life will be absolutely okay?

In this week's haftorah we read:
הגיד לך אדם מה־טוב ומה־יהוה דורש ממך כי אם־עשות משפט ואהבת חסד והצנע לכת עם־אלהיך
"It hath been told thee, O man, what is good, and what the LORD doth require of thee: only to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God." (Micah 6:8)
But do we really believe this? How does family, and this tie between religion and family, come about? If doing justice and walking humbly is enough, why can't organized religion make space for every human, regardless of who they love and what type of family they choose to (or not to) create? I know there is more to it than this, there are more texts to cite, and more religious discourse to scrutinize; but the idealist in me wishes it was this simple- and would like to believe the world would be better if religious organizations spent $22 million on health care, education, and global hunger instead of on political campaigns that breed hate.