Tears for a life too short

I can't stop crying for a boy I never met, but who's story I have been following for the last year and a bit.  He was diagnosed with AML at 6, his battle chronicled in poetic detail,  and died over shabbos. 

He was a superhero.  His parents, Rabbi Phylis and Rabbi Michael, are beyond superheros.  Time and time again they have gone above and beyond to bring good into this world.  Throughout this whole process they seem to always keep others in mind, trying to give back to those they encountered every step of the way.   It is this selflessness that continues to inspire me.  Even in circumstances horribly beyond imaginable, goodness and light can be sought.  There is always work to be done. "36 rabbis shave for the brave" St Baldrick's fundraiser is underway, now in Sam's memory, with a lofty goal of raising $180,000.

Sometime around the beginning of medical school I remember reading a study that doctors tend to be much more uncomfortable with death than the rest of society.  We may be comfortable with our own mortality, favoring much less invasive end of life care, but we can not except it for others in our lives.  I don't remember where I initially read it, but in times like this, I wonder about it.   Are we predisposed to medicine because we want the tools to stop death, or does medical training teach us that death is failure?

Regardless, 8 year olds are not supposed to die.  Parents are not supposed to bury their children.  For all that love Sam, z''l, and for all the others' who have had to bury children prematurely, my heart breaks for you.  I can not even begin to imagine what you have been through.  Know that I will try to carry your tragedy into my practice as a doctor - hopefully making me more compassionate, empathetic, and aware of the limitations of my art. 

The wheels on the bike go round and round

I did it!  I rode 65 miles on my bicycle over the past 2 days.  Sure, I walked some hills, and swore as I struggled to ride up others, but I still managed to do it!  I gained confidence on the downhills and learned to appreciate the modernity of flat roads through cow pastures.  There was only one small, almost comedic, fall off the bike on the second day when I was way past exhausted.   And you want to know what?  I got up and rode 16 more miles afterwards. 

All and all it was a beautiful weekend and a successful ride.  I challenged myself to do something I never really could have imagine doing before.  I gained confidence on my bicycle.  I embraced being completely cut off from cell service and email for a full 3 days.  I ate copious amounts of delicious food that was very locally produced and cooked with intention, in a room full of Jewish environmentalist.   I led a tisch Friday night that filled my spirits with songs, torah, and blessings.

At one point over shabbat, I realized that I was very much surrounded by the community that I have built over this past year.  This research year really has brought a lot of unexpected joy and connection.  Such a wondrous experience to end a year of personal growth.  I feel so very grateful.  Sore.  And grateful. 

Now, what next big ride should I train for next? 

Bentching gomel

There is a Jewish tradition to publicly acknowledge when you've survived a dangerous situation (eg serious illness, long travel, childbirth, etc).  It is traditionally done at one's first opportunity in front of a minyan and often done with a Torah present.

Last Friday night I was driving home around 8pm when I heard a loud bang and my car rattled.  [Aside: Yes, I know it was already shabbos, but after working a long week and having to work through the weekend it was the only time I had to run the errands that desperately needed to happen. Story of my life as a med student.]  I was on a pretty well traveled 4 lane road in a safe area, though there weren't really any other cars directly around me.  It took me 2 or so blocks to realize that my entire back windshield had shattered and another two or so blocks to realize that I probably should pull over.  I was in complete shock and baffled as to what had happened.  I then pulled into the first driveway I saw which happened to be a well lit grocery store & restaurant with people around.  Thank G!d!!!

Though I'm in my late 20s, and nearly a doctor, the first thing I did was to call my mom in tears.  While on the phone with her, still sitting in my car in shock, a sketchy silver car pulled into the lot, quickly turned around, and speed back out onto the street.  I thought it was strange but didn't make anything of it.  I called the police who came out to write an incident report.  The best idea we all could come up with was that maybe some kids were messing around with a BB gun or that a car in the opposite direction kicked up a big rock.

I have subsequently learned that an hour or two later that evening, on the same road, a friend of a friend's tire blew out while he was driving.  He pulled over immediately to see what happened. When he got out of his car he was jumped by 4 men.  They had thrown a brick at his tire.  He was badly beat up, robbed, and car jacked.  The police later told him that it was a gang initiation.  Thank G!d he's still alive. 

While it is possible that these two events are unrelated, it is pretty likely that they are directly linked.  I have no idea how many other people, if any, were injured or had property vandalized that night.  However, I'm pretty sure that had I gotten out of the car, as a single female in the dark, I would have fared a lot worse than the $250 it cost to replace the glass.

Birkhat Ha‑Gomeyl

 
hebrew from http://www.berachot.org/hebrew/hagomel.htm

"Blessing: "Blessed are You, LORD, our God, King of the Universe, Who bestows good things on the unworthy, and has bestowed on me every goodness."
Congregational Response: "Amen. He Who has bestowed on you every goodness, may He continue to bestow on you every goodness. Selah."