One too many moves

The funeral/memorial service for my grandma was a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. Actually, the service was lovely. The weekend on a whole was difficult. So much undiscussed stress & tension running amuck within my [biological] family dynamics. So much pretending to be fine while passively addressing the weighted history that plagues us all.

Now I'm making my way home, to the new home I moved to last week. I'm so emotionally & physically drained. Having just moved here, I'm feeling particularly lost & empty. I don't have familiar comfort zones to turn to. I don't really have a "home" & "family" here to hide in or lean on. I'm feeling as if life has taken me on one too many moves away from the familiar. While I'm grateful for the journey I've been on, I'm currently a little pisses off that I have a few/many moves left (4th year, residency, fellowship &/or a job?) before I can finally claim a home of my own.

Role reversals

I spent Friday in the emergency room, as a patient.  A bad cold superimposed with some type of viral stomach bug turns out to be a pretty awful combination.  Particularly when the patient is a type 1 diabetic who can't stop vomiting.  The family med doc who I saw in clinic Friday morning decided that a shot of phenergan along with a trip to the ER for some IV fluids was exactly what I needed.  Turns out that I also needed some IV zofran to actually stop the vomiting, a chest XR to rule out pneumonia, phenergan and cough syrup to take home with me, antibiotics for sinisitus, and a weekend of sleeping to break the fever and kick this bug. 

I really don't understand why our patients seem to like the ER so much.  The beds are uncomfortable, the IVs sting, the hospital gowns leave little to be imagined... It was not my ideal way to spend a day. I am very grateful for the treatment I received though.  And that they respected my knowledge of my diabetes as that isn't a fun fight to have when sick.  I am also grateful for the classmate who spent the day in the ER with me and the others who have been taking care of me all weekend.  While I don't feel perfect, I definitely feel better.  Here is to hoping I have the strength to pull off a 30 hour ob/gyn shift tomorrow as I've already used up one precious sick day. 

My personal pep-squad

I recived a random gchat message from a random friend today:

"Are you ready to be my vaginacologist yet or WHAT?"

A simple, and lovely, reminder that there are people out there pulling for me to become a doctor.  I may decide not to be a ob/gyn, but finding out this week that I passed step 1, I am now much more confident that I will get through medical school with my degree [and hopefully my head still screwed on].  Thanks ya'll for supporting me through the annoyance of having to retake it. 

Now, if only I can get through the next 7 weeks of my pediatric clerkship without getting sick again...  I LOVE peds but I'm not such a fan of all the bugs the cute kids carry around.